Extreme Emotion

How do I even begin to describe my deepest feelings, the emotion that goes on inside of me? It's as though I'm bursting with feelings that shoot in every direction. It's complete commotion inside of me, and I'm not sure I know how to handle it.. What do you do in this state? A state where you can hardly even think or make rational decisions, because your emotion has taken over and you can't even rest your mind.. a state where you can't understand yourself anymore.. A state where you just want to scream and cry in hopes that all these emotions will just dissipate.. Have you felt like this before?? I don't really know whats going on in side of me right now, but i can be honest by saying its painful.. how do i fix it? I know there's only one way and only one who can give me the peace that I am longing for, but why am i being so stubborn??! It's like I don't even want to go there, even though I know he can carry me through.. with him everything is lighter.. I need to stop being so stubborn and trust him, because i know he's got a plan through everything, even if i don't like where the plan seems to be going at the time.. So all these emotions, what are they? Why do we have to 'feel' things? Because HE feels things, He has emotions far greater than we could ever know and experience.. emotion came from Him. Our hearts are just so delicate towards emotions.. I think I need to take time in the day to breathe and really experience the emotion of God, the biggest one being His love for me (for all of us). Sometimes I think I forget.. God rejoices with us and cries with us.. and i know that one day he will wipe every tear from our eye and an inconceivable joy will exceed in our hearts..

"Dear God, thank-you for the gift of emotion.. that I am able to feel.. even if that includes pain and hurt, because I know that 'in you' joy will always follow."

3 wks back home already

I've been back home in Canada for about 3 weeks now. What a different world here than Lesotho... At times I feel like I've gotten right back into things, and yet I still feel like I'm adjusting - to ppl, culture, work, time and life here in general. Its difficult to explain to people around me how I'm really feeling. I've probably heard the question "How was it?" at least 50 times since I've been back. It's so hard to try and capture all that I've been through and experienced in the past 6 months that all I eventually end up saying is .. "It was good". I'm not exactly sure how to respond anymore as I'm full of mixed emotions and not sure where life will take me next. Transitioning seems to be an on-going process and I'm not really sure where home is anymore. I feel like I'm a different person now than when I left. It's almost as if I don't really have dreams or goals anymore.. wait.. maybe I still have dreams and goals.. I think they've may have just shifted in another direction. What I wanted 6 months ago doesn't seem so important anymore... So what is important then? Maybe I don't really know.. but I can say that I know WHO is important or what really matters in life. Why are we here? We have a purpose on earth far greater than we can see right now. God's given us purpose. He didn't create us for a thrill or just for kicks.. everything He created serves a purpose. I know God's got a dream for me, even if I don't quite know or understand it yet.. its there! So even though it's tough adjusting and getting back into the "easy life", I know that God has me here right where I am for a reason.. a purpose.