Back in Canada

Hey all. Well I've been back in Canada for approximately 3 days now and my head is still spinning - both from jetleg and crazy emotions! Oh how wierd it feels coming from a crazy busy life filled with early mornings, stressful situations, sick kids, long days, no sleep ... back to a place where you can almost hear the silence. I hardly know what to do with myself. I feel so useless, I want more. I'll admit to you that when the time came to leave I wasn't ready anymore. 6 months in Lesotho - eventually it started to feel quite homely.. the kids felt homely.. the friends were like family.. it was almost as if I didn't miss home so much anymore. I think I left a large portion of my heart there, hence I feel so lost at the moment. I can't help but thinking, "What now?". I know it's going to be hard for a while and take time to re-adjust to things back home, especially since I only long to be out there and don't necessarily WANT to 're-adjust'. I know I just need to trust God and remind myself that he is right with me 100%. As long as I let him be in control of the reins, He'll work things out for good. TRUST - what a big word... I miss my babies as well as the rest of the children at MIS. I am always comparing the time difference thinking about what they might be doing 'just now'. Their faces continually flash in my mind.. their smiles.. their little laughs.. I have memories that I have made in the past 6 months that will always and ever be dear to my heart. I worry about them sometimes, but God is a father to the fatherless and I know He will take care of them. He never needed us for anything in the first place.. He just chooses to use us as vesels sometimes, that is if we are willing. So for now, not knowing what's next or what God has in store for me - it's one day at a time.. for Him.. one day at a time!

1 week left...

Early mornings, sick babies, 3rd degree burns.. the list could go on.. i don't even know what to say anymore.. thats MIS for you... i don't think I'm ready to leave though, it's heartbreaking thinking about leaving the children.. i love these kids. All I can say is God will give m strength to say my good-byes and who knows where he will have me next!

On a happy note, Its so wonderful having family here and we have been enjoying showing them what we do here. Time is going by way too fast. NEXT WEEK!, thats so crazy...

But gotta cut this one short.
Sending out all my love!
Michelle

The little baby girl I will never forget...

Hello again friends and family. Monday was a very difficult for me and I'm not sure how to express what I've experienced.. Our newest baby girl who arrived about a month ago, has passed away. It's scarey how quickly life can be taken away, especially here in Lesotho. She was only 2.5 months old and the most precious thing in the world. My heart is broken, but God is holding the pieces together reminding me that she is with him - in a much better place. Mavis performed the funeral/burial today, it was only about 30 minutes long because it was an infant and she didn't have any family around. Different than home, thats forsure. I will miss that little baby's smile.. I wanted to express myself to you in a poem, to share my feelings in this experience.

The pink baby is gone now
and I'm at loss for words...
It hurts so much
and yet she wasn't even my own.
She was so special to me,
and just holding her each day was the best thing in the world.
Her beautiful eyes -
so oblivious to the world around her.
The way she grasped my finger,
the way she smiled and coo'd
everytime I looked at her...
Her little heart pumping so fast
She was so strong
...yet not strong enough
A part of me wants to scream
Why God? Why have you taken her?
But at the same time
joy is present...
because I know she is in daddy's arms
And what a better place to be
than in the presence of our God?
Life is different here...
to them it's almost normal,
death is normal.
It's difficult to comprehend
as we've been more than blessed
Thoughts are scattered
throughout my head and my heart
What else can I say,
but rest in peace little baby
You were loved...

Thank-you for all your support, i will see you again soon!