Back in Canada

Hey all. Well I've been back in Canada for approximately 3 days now and my head is still spinning - both from jetleg and crazy emotions! Oh how wierd it feels coming from a crazy busy life filled with early mornings, stressful situations, sick kids, long days, no sleep ... back to a place where you can almost hear the silence. I hardly know what to do with myself. I feel so useless, I want more. I'll admit to you that when the time came to leave I wasn't ready anymore. 6 months in Lesotho - eventually it started to feel quite homely.. the kids felt homely.. the friends were like family.. it was almost as if I didn't miss home so much anymore. I think I left a large portion of my heart there, hence I feel so lost at the moment. I can't help but thinking, "What now?". I know it's going to be hard for a while and take time to re-adjust to things back home, especially since I only long to be out there and don't necessarily WANT to 're-adjust'. I know I just need to trust God and remind myself that he is right with me 100%. As long as I let him be in control of the reins, He'll work things out for good. TRUST - what a big word... I miss my babies as well as the rest of the children at MIS. I am always comparing the time difference thinking about what they might be doing 'just now'. Their faces continually flash in my mind.. their smiles.. their little laughs.. I have memories that I have made in the past 6 months that will always and ever be dear to my heart. I worry about them sometimes, but God is a father to the fatherless and I know He will take care of them. He never needed us for anything in the first place.. He just chooses to use us as vesels sometimes, that is if we are willing. So for now, not knowing what's next or what God has in store for me - it's one day at a time.. for Him.. one day at a time!